Jim Ross voiceover: War Games, the Survivor Cage Match. Each wrestler
will be sent into a double steel cage with a caged top at 2 minute
intervals, until all 16 wrestlers are in. To win, your team must be the
last surviving members of any team. Wrestlers will be eliminated by the
usual means....pinfall, submission...NO DQ or countout......or a
wrestler can eliminate himself by walking out of the cage on his own
power.....being thrown out by other wrestlers doesn't count. A wrestler
pinned or submitted must leave immediately.
-
The teams.....
-
1. Team Canada
Maritimer, Deadshot, Alex Demchuk, Mike Malecki
-
2. Team Jewish World Order
Jack Epstein, Blake, en4cer, Jeff Amdur
-
3. Team Bitch World Order
Taskmistress, Mattie Carrington, Kim Wright, Kelly Vaters
-
and, a mystery team none of us know the identity of.
-
-
Vince: WELCOME EVERYBODY, TO BRAWL AT THE BORDER, LIVE, from BUFFALO NEW
YORK! Well, despite taking quite a beating by quite a few people, good
old JR isn't dead yet.
King: You're wrong again, McMahon. Jim Ross did die. The droopy side of
his face had an avalanche causing him to tip over and fall headfirst
while in the shower.
JR: Well, what am I? A figment of your imagination?
-
(Music-I Know You Want Me)
-
Vince: And here she is.
SUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
-
(As Sunny poses and struts for one straight minute and the crowd goes
absolutely nuts.)
-
JR: Well, I don't know, Vince. I mean, look around, guys, there are
stuck-up girls all over the place, many who don't have a nose like
Shemp's.
Vince: Sunny will be tonight's ring announcer.
Too Sexy Allan Benson and Dean Boardwalk
vs. The Insiders (John D. Williams/Dave Scherer)
Sunny: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Marine Midland Arena and
RSPWWCW's BRAWL AT THE BORDER. Are you ready to rumble????
-
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
-
Sunny: Then let's go to our first match.
-
(Pomp And Circumstance)
-
Lawler: Who's this? The Macho Man?
Sunny: Ladies and gentlemen our first contest for Brawl At The Border is
scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by
the Heartbreak Babe Powrhug Kare, they are a total combined weight of
471 beefy hunky pounds, the team of Big Daddy School Dean Boardwalk, and
Too Sexy Allan Benson.
Benson: Aheheheheheheh!!!!!!
Boardwalk: Definition: brawl, a rough, noisy, and often prolonged
hand-to-hand fight usually involving several people. synonyms: affray,
dogfight, donnybrook, fracas, melee. Tonight, the Insiders will find
themselves on the losing end of a brawl, and will receive an education
in the School...Of Hard Knocks.
JR: Well, I would be curious to see a battle of mortarboards. Dean
Boardwalk against Gern Blanston.
-
(Thunderkiss 65-White Zombie)
-
Sunny: And their opponents, the team of John D. Williams, and Dave
Scherer, the INSIDERS!
JR: Former RSPWWCW Tag Team Champions John D. Williams and Dave Scherer,
the Insiders.
John D. Williams: Take a walk with your sister the moon. Let her pale
light in to fill up you room.
-
JR: And a cheapshot attack by the Triple Threat. Boardwalk and Benson
beating up on Scherer and Williams the former champs.
King: Oh, they're just getting a head start. Dean Boardwalk always gets
to class before the bell.
JR: But Williams punches out, somersaults to a cover but Boardwalk kicks
out. Boardwalk and Williams aparently to start. Brainbuster by John D.
Williams.
Vince: Williams very studied in the martial arts.
JR: Well, John D. Williams a longtime presence over in the Japanese
promotion fjrspw. Missile Drop Kick by J. D. Williams and Benson runs
in, Kata ha-jime put on Benson, and the sexy man is hurtin'.
Lawler: Whatchu call that, JR?
JR: It's the same move the Taskmistress borrowed. The single wing lock
she calls the Taskmission. Boardwalk NAILS Williams from behind. And now
both Boardwalk and Benson unloading on Williams. A double Belly to Belly
Suplex by the Triple Threat Benson and Boardwalk.
Vince: Now Scherer tries to come in. Scherer almost ASSAULTING referee
Earl Hebner and Benson and Boardwalk with a brutal double team on
Williams. Come on, TURN AROUND REF!!
JR: Top Rope Cross Body Block MISSED by Boardwalk and Scott Both men
tag out.
Vince: Both teams get in the ring and are slugging it out. And OH MY
GOODNESS, WHAT A MANEUVER!
JR: Chickenfight SuperPlex by Big Daddy School Dean Boardwalk on
Williams, and now the Sexy Man puts the same move on Scherer. Both
Insiders now laying in the center of the ring. And now Boardwalk with a
powerbomb on Scherer.
Vince: And Benson with a slop drop on Williams.
JR: I would call this a pinning predicament of immense proportions, but
what's this?
Vince: Boardwalk taking Scherer up for another superplex. But what's
this?
King: Benson's getting up on another turnbuckle! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
JR: And this looks like a move that Hercules and Paul Roma used awhile
back. Boardwalk with the superplex, and BENSON with the superfly leap
onto the just superplexed Scherer.
Vince: One, two, three, it's over!
-
(Music-What A Man-En Vogue)
-
Sunny: The winner of this match, the team of Dean Boardwalk and Too Sexy
Allan Benson.
Dean Boardwalk: And THAT....is the definition of the Power And The
Glory. He is the beauty, I am the brains. I give this match a
grade....of A PLUS!!!
Vince: And they did it, defeating the former champs, WITHOUT
interference from Powrhug Kare. And I would venture to say that Benson
and Boardwalk are going to be a formidable pair in RSPWWCW.
King: I always liked Power and Glory's finisher. I can't believe that
team never got more respect.
Vince: Let's go to Scheme Gene in the locker room.
RSPWWCW Women's Championship
Memery Miller vs. Alexandra Theresa Marlena LaRiche
(Music-Goldust Theme-lights turn gold and camera goes to film mode)
-
Sunny: The next contest is for the RSPWWCW Women's Championship. Coming
to the ring, accompanied by Bitch World Order members the Taskmistress
Liz Michael, Kim Wright, and Sable, from Hollywood California, weighing
155 pounds, Alexandra Theresa Marlena LaRiche.
Vince: ATM LaRiche, oh my goodness, has a complete different look. Her
hair's slicked back. She's all in black.
King: I think Natasha's soul took over her body or something.
JR: Well, these Bitch World Order girls, Liz and Kim in black
minidresses and high heels, looking, what can we say?
King: Go ahead and say it. Slutty.
JR: Liz Michael a monster of a woman, but she fills out a minidress like
all get out. Now Liz and Kim surrounding Sunny. Oh, no!!! They're not
gonna beat up Sunny, too.
Vince: Well, ATM LaRiche trying to kiss Sunny on the lips, but Sunny
gets out of there.
-
(Head Over Feet-Alanis Morrisette)
-
Sunny: And her opponent, from Toronto Ontario, weighing 110 pounds,
accompanied to the ring by the Canadian Coalition, the RSPWWCW Women's
Champion, MEMERY MILLER.
JR: Memery Miller, last we saw her, taking three consecutive jacknife
powerbombs courtesy of the Taskmistress. Along with Deadshot, Maritimer
and CanSen. That jacknife puts a lot of pressure on the cervical
vertabrae of the lower lumbar area.
Lawler: Yeah, and it hurts like a bitch.
Memery Miller to camera: I don't watch wrestling to see
silicone-implanted bleach blondes prancing all over the place. That's
what makes me a heterosexual.
Lawler: She may be the only staight girl in the arena.
Vince: Well, I doubt that.
-
DING DING DING DING
-
Vince: Memery Miller starts out with the upper hand her, with chops to
ATM LaRiche. LaRiche, the two time Cruiserweight Champion, so she knows
what gold looks like.
Lawler: Although she's wearing black tonight. I can't believe it. She
looks like one of them punk rockers.
JR: A suplex by Memery Miller, followed by a stungun on LaRiche. Cover
but LaRiche kips up. I wonder what Dusty Rhodes must think about the way
his baby girl looks.
Vince: Memery Miller putting the chinlock on ATM LaRiche. You're finally
back with us in RSPWWCW, King.
Lawler: Yes, and one thing I never want to be is drunk with my own
power.....and anyone who says I am will never work in this town again.
Vince: And Memery Miller, OH MY GOODNESS, what a DEVASTATING MANEUVER!
JR: Released German Suplex by Memery Miller, and Miller trying to keep
the much bigger ATM LaRiche on the mat.
Lawler: And with breasts that size that's not easy.
Vince: Miller with another chinlock. Trying to torture ATM LaRiche.
Lawler: You can't hurt LaRiche with torture. She LIKES torture. That's
why she's with the Taskmistress.
Vince: I'm not clear who's with whom, King. I see Liz with ATM, Liz with
Sable, John Henry with Sable, Kim Wright with Sable.
Lawler: Well, you know what kind of woman you call Sable.
JR: Don't go there, King.
Lawler: Easy. MY kind a woman! AHAHAHAH!!
JR: Now Miller whipping ATM to the ropes, a dropkick. Miller running
again, and LIZ TRIPS HER UP, and a scissors kick by ATM LaRiche. I still
can't get over the goth punk look of ATM. I've seen the Taskmistress do
it, and all the other girls.
Lalwer: I like watching girls wrestle. Are they gonna strip each other?
Vince: Jerry Lawler, will you knock it off?
JR: Tiger Suplex by LaRiche. This girl, for all her exoticness, CAN
wrestle when she wants to.
Now a La Majistral by LaRiche, 1, 2, no.
Lawler: La What?
-
JR: Now LaRiche turning Miller over for a toehold. Miller on her face as
LaRiche clamps that toehold in real good.
Lawler: Watch out, Memery. She might try ta feel ya up.
Vince: A common tactic on the part of the VERY BIZARRE ATM LaRiche.
JR: Now a Japanese headscissors, turned into a surfboard submission
move. Oh man!
Lawler: I think she's been spending time at Venice Beach with the
Taskmistress.
JR: Now, ATM with a super-brainbuster, Miller gets up from it. ATM,
pulling Miller up top. ATM and Memery on the top of the turnbuckle.
And....
Lawler: OH MY GOD!
JR: Miller reversed the superplex in mid-air. And ATM is down.
Vince: Now is the time for Memery miller to take control of this match.
JR: Now Memery Miller going to the top turnbuckle, going for a splash I
think.
Vince: And SABLE SHAKES THE ROPES.
Lawler: And Memery Miller does the lickety splits.
Vince: Jerry Lawler will you stop that!
JR: And a deadly springboard dropkick to Memery Miller while Miller is
straddling the top rope.
Vince: And ATM LaRiche with an armdrag yanks her down.
JR: And watch out. LaRiche going for the pedigree. Here comes Deadshot
into the ring, and THE TASKMISTRESS gets in and is fighting him.
Maritimer and Kim Wright go at it.
Vince: PEDIGREE ON MEMERY MILLER, 2, 3, and ATM LARICHE IS THE NEW
CHAMPION!
-
(Goldust Theme)
-
Lawler: Deadshot and Liz are still fighting!
Sunny: The winner of this match.....and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW
RSPWWCW Women's Champion, Alexandra Theresa Marlena LaRiche.
Lalwer: Hey, EVERYBODY'S STILL FIGHTING! I LOVE THIS!
Vince: CanSen fighting with Sable, trying to rip that rubber dress off
Sable, and Sable trying to reverse kick him.
JR: Maritimer fighting with Kim Wright, and you'll see that match next
Monday on Rawnitro is War, Kim Wright against the Maritimer for the
Cruiserweight Championship from Atlantic City. Menawhile, the big man,
and the big woman being separated by officials here.
Vince: Scheme Gene is in the locker room of the Jewish World Order.
Scheme Gene: That you, Vince McMahon, I'm here with the Jew World Order,
and Jack Epstein...
Jack Epstein grabs the mic: Is it me or is there too much fucking
cussing in wrestling these goddam days. First that son of a bitch Paul
Smith goes on the fucking TV and says he is going to whip everyone's
ass. Who does he fuckin think he is? That cocksucker ain't shit and we
proved it! Anyways, Deadshot comes out and says that the fucking pussy
boy is talking bullshit! Then Maritimer says bullshit, then the
Taskmistress calls that bitch Powrhug Kare a little shit! I heard ATM
LaRiche gets off when her sweaty wrestlers talk dirty. Then this douche
bag Kilroy comes out and tells all the fucking fans "Tough Shit"! I
couldn't fucking believe it. What the fuck happened to wrestling? Now
all these bastards come on my goddamn TV and cuss. They think this is
the best fucking way to draw some goddamn heat. What the fuck are these
asshole cocksuckers thinking?
Scheme Gene: Are you finished, Epstein?
Epstein: Fuck yeah.
Gene: Jeff Amdur, you've been a regular timekeeper for 24 years.
Jeff Amdur: Oy, gevalt! THAT long? And I'm regular most of the time,
although I always have some
Metamucil on hand.
Gene: what's your take on tonight's Brawl At The Border War Games?
Amdur: As I always say, I am a mark. You are a mark. WE ARE ALL MARKS!
-
(Suddenly Stone Cold Paul smith comes in and puts the Stone Cold Stunner
on Jeff Amdur. Then he starts brawling with the rest of the Jewish World
Order with Scheme Gene the middle of them.
RSPWWCW Extreme Bandwidth Championship
Michelle Steiner vs. John Henry
(Music: Jesus Christ Posse-Soundgarden)
-
Sunny: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the
RSPWWCW Extreme Bandwidth Championship. Coming to the ring, accompanied
by the Taskmistress, Sable, and Kelly Vaters, weighing 251 pounds, and
hailing from Raleigh, North Carolina, here is JOHN HENRY!!!
JR: I have heard an interesting story about this match. If you listen to
the 1-900-IMAMARK line, you would know that over the internet, Michelle
Steiner generally is very protective of the Taskmistress Liz Michael,
almost like a daughter. Now, she is going to be in the opposite stable.
Do you think that Liz and the other girls might sell John Henry out
here?
Lawler: Now, there you go startin' trouble again. No wonder Liz put the
Diamond Cutter on you.
Vince: As John Henry, along with the Taskmistress, Kelly Vaters, Sable,
stepping into the ring.
Lawler: Look at this. John Henry and Taskmistress wanna kiss Sunny.
Sunny: Get away from me. You two've been with Sable, and I don't know
where she's been.
-
(Steinerized Theme)
-
Sunny: And his opponent, she weighs 175 pounds, and is the Extreme
Bandwidth Champion. Michelle STEINER!!!
Lawler: Well. Where is she? Is she off writing "RSPW Kampf" or
something?
JR: Well, I suppose she got caught up in that brawl with Paul Smith. And
HERE SHE IS!
Lawler: Some people call her the Dog Faced Gremlin. That's because she's
a real....
Vince: Don't say it. Well, Michelle and some of the JWO had their
yarmulkes knocked off by Stone cold Paul Smith, who is back. Maybe you
can get an interview with him, JR.
JR: Hey, don't look at me. I want no part of it. Michelle Steiner, a
qualified member of Mensa.
Lawler: Does that make her a genius?
-
DING DING DING DING
-
JR: I reckon so. John Henry lands an impressive Spinwheel Kick to open
things up. Steiner replies with a running corner lariat and bitchslaps
Henry. Now Steiner off the middle rope a knee sends John Henry to the
outside. And now Michelle Steiner attacking John Henry, sending his head
into the steel steps.
Lawler: This match in under those scummy ECW rules, JR. The question is
not whether ECW should exist, the question is whether ECW does exist.
Because you see, this match is being seen by more people at this very
minute than ECW has ever been seen by in its entire life...because that
little rinky dink ECW promotion, Extremely Crappy Wrestling, is a bunch
of misfits...
JR:And now Steiner from the top rope, cross bosy block is REVERSED with
a backbreaker. Send your cards and letters, ladies and gentlemen, to
Jerry the King Lawler, Memphis Tennessee.
Vince: Epstein is outside the ring but gets hit by John Henry when he
jumps up on the apron.
JR: He messed with John Henry but Henry saw 'im coming. Now Henry
powerbombs Steiner. You're pretty much gonna see everything goes in this
match. chairs, tables, canes, shotguns, you name it, it's legal.
Vince: Henry up to the turnbuckle, Henry with a moonsault HITS IT! One,
two, HE GOT HER! Uh, no he didn't.
JR: Henry going for another powerbomb but a HEAD SCISSORS TAKEOVER by
the veteran Michelle Steiner. Some people call her the Dog Faced
Gremlin, but you can't take this veteran too lightly? Springboard
Huracanrana to get the roll-up for the two count. Man that was close.
Lawler: Hey, is Michelle Steiner the mother of the Steiner Brothers?
Vince: Well, King, I doubt that.
JR: Lateral press! and a two-count by Steiner. Now Steiner reaching into
her trunks. Oh NO.
Lawler: Watch out, John Henry. It's snip snip time.
Vince: Wait a minute. HERE COMES THE TASKMISTRESS. Taskmistress Liz
Michael KICKS THE BRIS BLADE out of the hand of Michelle Steiner. And OH
NO!
Lawler: She put her high heeled shoe in the face of Steiner!
JR: And John Henry with a rollover, 2, 3. IT'S OVER!
-
(Music-Jesus Christ Posse-Soundgarden)
-
Sunny: The winner of the match, and NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW Extreme Bandwidth
Champion, John Henry.
JR: Well, for all the speculation as to whether the Taskmistress might
betray John Henry for one of her sisters, so to speak...well, it didn't
happen. And it didn't happen in the most extreme way possible.
Taskmistress with a high heeled pump to the face of Michelle Steiner,
apparently drawing blood, after kicking away the international object of
international objects if you will.
Lawler: Well, they'll really call her the Dog Faced Gremlin after that
kick by the Taskmistress.
Vince: We have Scheme Gene at the ramp area. Gene?
Scheme Gene: I'm here with the Taskmistress, and young lady, I must say,
so far, the BWO has taken two championships in the RSPWWCW tonight. Was
that part of your master plan tonight, in interfering in this match with
John Henry, the NEW Extreme Bandwidth Champion.
Taskmistress: Well, it wasn't so much winning the Extreme Bandwidth
Championship for John Henry, as it was protecting little John Henry, Jr.
if you will (As she pats him in the private area.) I mean, it's the only
one in the Bitch World Order. Well, the only real one anyway.
Sable: Yeah, we had to protect the stud muffin here.
Taskmistress: The only man worthy enough to be in the Bitch World Order.
And if anything untoward happened to IT (she smiles) the girls would all
kill me.
Scheme Gene: John Henry, what do you have to say for yourself?
John Henry: SCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME GENE!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John Henry: All I got to say is, whether ya like it, or whether ya
don't, John Henry, Rock star Extraordinaire, is the Extreme Bandwidth
champion, the holder, of the oldest belt in internet wrestling, so,
WOOOOOOOO!, learn to love it, 'cause it's the best thing going today.
ANd now, I'm gonna go backstage, and celebrate with ALLLLLLLLLL the
ladies! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Scheme Gene: What about the Rage In The Cage tonight, Taskmistress and
Kelly Vaters? You, Kim Wright, Mattie Carrington, the only four girls in
the ring, with 12 guys.
Kelly Vaters: 12 guys? NO PROBLEMO! Because we ARE, the superior sex.
Gene: Speaking of which, some people say that you turned your back on
your sister Michelle Steiner. She's gone to bat for you a lot lately on
the internet.
Taskmistress: Well, Gene, all bets were off, when she tried to put the
knife, to little John Henry, Jr., if you will.
Scheme Gene: Vince, JR, back to you.
RSPWWCW Television Championship
Diamondback Chris Myers vs. The Heartbreak Babe Powrhug Kare
Lawler: Who woulda thought it! The Taskmistress defends a penis!
(Big silence.)
Lawler: Well, that's what she just said, isn't it? See, she's not such a
bad girl. I think she's kinda cute.
JR: Isn't she a little old for you, King?
Lawler: She's over 21.
JR: That's what I'm talking about.
-
(Music-I'm Just A Sexy Girl)
-
Sunny: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the
RSPWWCW Television championship. Coming down the aisle, accompanied to
the ring by Too Sexy Allan Benson, and Dean Boardwalk, from Olathe
Kansas wieghing 162 pounds, the HEARTBREAK BABE POWRHUG KARE!
-
JR: Well, here's another straight girl. Although she supposedly likes
the fact that Liz Michael is attracted to her.
Lawler: Well, everybody's attracted to her. She's got the moves that
drive 'em wild. She's just a sexy girl, let's face it.
(Kare is wearing the skimpiest black outfit she's ever worn. she does
the pose, the strut, the shawn dance, and the in the ring
squat...everything.)
-
JR: This is an interesting matchup. Kare was the woman who brought
Diamondback Chris Myers to the VWO. First Kare, then Chris, left the
VWO. Of course, that's all before the Taskmistress drove Kare nuts, with
her attack on Shawn Michaels.
-
(Smells Like Teen Spirit-Nirvana)
-
Sunny: And HER OPPONENT, weighing 232 pounds, he is the RSPWWCW
TELEVISION CHAMPION, DIAMONDBACK CHRIS MYERS!
-
Chris Myers: Hey, Sunny. Like ta play with my snake, baby?
-
JR: Chris Myers coming to the ring with that diamondback rattlesnake.
Chris Myers, if he is smart, will take Powrhug Kare, and her posse VERY
seriously. this is the former World Champion in here.
Chris Myers: I am RSPW's Excellence of Execution, #1 Karen Wood mark and
all around social deviant, and Karen, I just have one thing for you,
baby. BAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!
Lawler: Well, he always said he wanted to bang Kare.
-
DING DING DING DING
-
JR: Well, we begin here with Myers a side headlock on Kare.
Lawler: Just think about it, McMahon! Chris Myers getting to wrestle his
dream girl. Every boy's fantasy.
Vince: Myers runs her over and Kare backs to the corner. Still to come
tonight, the six man tag between the Disciples Of Hacksaw and the
canadian Militant Alliance, and the War Games Survivor Match.
JR: Myers another side headlock, Kare tries the inverted monkey flip,
Myers stops running and stomps, then slams the Heartbreak Babe. Kare
yanks him face-first to the corner and hits a clothesline
Vince: And OH MY GOODNESS, what a maneuver! COVER, count of 1.
JR: Sort of a cross between a spinebuster and a Ligerbomb. Kare chokes
Myers against the ropes, but Kare walks into an elbow, and another elbow
by Chris Myers.
Vince: Myers whips her, ducks and gets kicked in the face by Kare,
cover, a 2 count.
JR: Kare whips him to the ropes and jumps, REVERSAL by Myers into an
inverted atomic drop, now an overhead belly-to-belly by Diamondback
Chris Myers. High evelation there by the Diamond Man.
Vince: Myers whips Kare to the ropes, dropkick, a cover, but Kare's foot
is on the ropes.
Lawler: As referee Steve Cain, aka Stoink looks on. This is ridiculous,
McMahon! You've got a bunch of clowns refereeing.
JR: Now Diamondback Chris Myers with a little clubberin', if you will,
in the corner, as ATM's daddy would say. And Kare bearhugging the ref
trying to avoid Myers, DEAN BOARDWALK COMES IN!
Vince: And Chris Myers catches him with a right cross, my goodness!
JR: Chris Myers now with an armbar on Kare, Kare reverses it, takes him
down, then slaps him like a girl.
Lawler: Well, she IS a girl, Jim Ross!
-
JR: Myers with some blows to the temple, as Powrhug Kare retreats to the
corner. Myers goes
from an armbar now to a side headlock, Kare almost escapes but a hair
pull by Myers has Benson and Boardwalk screaming at the ref.
Lawler: Hey, that's not fair, McMahon. Myers is cheating.
JR: To the ropes...Myers a hiptoss, no, blocked, DDT by Myers, but Kare
yanks Chris neck-first on the top rope, now she returns inside and
chokes him.
Vince: Powrhug Kare resorting to unsportswomanlike tactics here in order
to prevail against Myers.
JR: Kare a slam and guillotines him on the top. Powrhug Kare whips him
and hits a powerslam for 1, 2, no, and that was closer than it looked,
folks.
Vince: Chris Myers replying with a series of punches, but Kare, OH MY
GOODNESS, what a devastating maneuver!
JR: That's a Pedigree-type move by Kare. Kare with a stun gun on Myers.
Lawler: I always said Kare was a real stunner. Get it? Stunner?
Ahahahaha!!!
Vince: Clothesline by Chris Myers. Inverted atomic drop by Myers.
Lawler: That'll change who you take to the prom right there.
JR: Powerbomb by Myers. Now both Benson and Boardwalk on the ring apron,
Myers distracted.
Vince: Oh come on, ref. Get in there!
JR: And a fisherman suplex by Kare, 1, 2, NOOOOOOOO!!!! THAT WAS CLOSE,
but Kare couldn't hold it. Kare going for a reverseneckbreaker, but
CHRIS MYERS WITH A DIAMOND CUTTER! 1, 2, 3!
Vince: As Boardwalk and Benson charge in too late, and now Benson and
Boardwalk are beating up on Chris Myers. Chris Myers has won this
matchup, but Too Sexy Allan Benson and Dean Boardwalk, the Power and
Glory, beating the life out of Diamondback Chris Myers. come on
security, get in there.
-
DING DING DING DING
-
DING DING DING DING
-
DING DING DING DING DING DING
-
Vince: Well, when you have the gang mentality of RSPW lately, it is very
difficult to be a lone wolf. Referees have come in, but nobody else has
come out to help Chris Myers. Allan Benson and dean Boardwalk are now
helping Powrhug Kare out fo the ring area. And, Gene, we've got a lead
on a possible fourth team in the Rage In The Cage.
-
Scheme Gene: I'm here with Robert Wallace Eddy, and you have a
collection can of some type?
Eddy: Since quite a few of you seem to be showing such great sorrow
for the loss of Princess Di, I am considering taking up a collection for
a Flower bouquet, to be sent to England. Donations can be sent to me
directly, whereas cheques can be made out to Memorial University of
Newfoundland - just write tuition in the memo space. Thanks everyone.
I started out the fund with a $5 donation and a half-eaten bagel, while
Bob Barnett has agreed to contribute some surf board wax. Thanks
everyone. You're all swell. Let's keep those donations coming.
Gene: Young man, I've seen some lowlife stunts before, but this one
takes the cake. You're using the death of the Princess to shill for
tuition money? Despicable.
Eddy: Gene, you misread me. Ever since I heard the chick was in a car
accident last night, I felt very great remorse.
Gene: Are you serious about this?
Eddy: Of course, Gene. She was young, she was pretty, she was rich, and
I regret never having had the opportunity to give her the greatest sex
of her life.
Gene: THAT'S DISGUSTING! How can you talk that way about such a gracious
lady.
Eddy: I don't mean any disrespect, Gene, but I always did think she was
a piece of ass.
Gene: That's it. I'm outta here.
Eddy: And let's hope Chuck is the next to go! Now, I have a message for
one en4cer. You're obviously American, and for that alone, I feel for
you. And you're obviously a weiner, hiding behind a fake
personna........and one so stupid as "en4cer". Your name is probably
Herman, so I wouldn't much less blame you for the name. Now, as for the
Taskmistress...God, I can't believe I'm gonna hafta, like, touch her,
tonight. Makes my skin crawl......
Six Man Tag Match
Canadian Militant Alliance vs. Disciples Of Hacksaw
Sunny: The folowing contest is a six man tag team match scheduled for
one fall.
-
(Oh Canada)
-
Sunny: Coming down the aisle, a total combined weight of 745 pounds, the
team of Scott Keith, CanSen, and Brother Zen, here is the CANADIAN
MILITANT ALLIANCE!
Vince: Canadian Militant Alliance making their way to the squared
circle. With the Canadian flag. And no, this is not a flag match.
CanSen: When we're done with you it'll look like we set your face on
fire then put it out with an ax. We Snack on danger. We dine on death.
Lawler: An ax to the face? That might make the Disciples Of Hacksaw look
better.
Scott Keith: You've held out against my brainwashing power this long,
I'll grant you that, but soon you too will fall to the power of the
net.cop! BWAHAHAHAHA! All these fools on RSPW won't realize my true
goal of world domination until it's too late! And to think they're
under the impression that I'm a nice guy.
-
JR: I saw whatcha did when ya busted up your partner Kelly Vaters. Nice
guy my foot.
-
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!
VRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
-
Sunny: And their opponents, from Glen Falls, New York, a total combined
weight at 817 pounds, Duggan Fan 1, King Duggan, and Jel, The Disciples
Of Hacksaw!!!
DF1: It's ONE NATION UNDER HACKSAW, INDIVISIBLE, WITH 2x4'S AND ROLLS OF
TAPE FOR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Lawler: Duggan Fan 1, who graduated from Warrior University with flying
colors.
Vince: American flags all around.
Lawwler: This was supposed to be All-American, not Jel, but All-American
had his moped breakdown on the interstate and couldn't make it.
-
Vince: Scott Keith and Duggan Fan 1 to begin the festivities here. They
lock up and Keith powers him to the corner, then breaks cleanly.
Lawler: Does hacksaw go HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! when he orgasms?
JR: Well, he may do that, but for the woman at least, with a name like
Hacksaw he's gotta be good.
Vince: Now Keith shoves Duggan Fan. Pushes him again and Duggan Fan
pushes back. Keith pushes Duggan Fan down.
Lawler: If that doesn't work, he makes the women watch a tape of his
matches and they immediately fall asleep.
JR: Well, some great technical wrestling so far. That was called sarcasm
is case you didn't get it. Keith with an atomic drop on Duggan Fan
leaves him crosseyed.
Lawler: He's always crosseyed JR.
Vince: King Duggan tags in now, and King puts an armbar on Keith. Scott
Keith reverses it, yanks on the arm and goes to a hammerlock before
getting elbowed down.
JR: Now King Duggan hits him with a series of elbows , cover, count of
2, King Duggan to the ropes, misses. And Keith hits the inverted atomic
drop, and ANOTHER atomic drop and that leaves King Duggan crosseyed.
Vince: As Keith tags out to CanSen, a clothesline and the running
forearm. CanSen corner whips him and charges into a boot. Whoa, did you
see that?
Lawler: A fan threw a footlong hotdog at Duggan Fan, and Duggan Fan is
chowing it down. The idiot.
Vince: Now King Duggan pounding on CanSen, tags off to Duggan Fan who
hands off the rest of the hotdog to King Duggan, and King Duggan eats
the rest of it.
Lawler: Isn't there a rule about not wrestling until at least one hour
after you've eaten.
JR: Duggan Fan a whip to the ropes, CanSen ducks, off the ropes,
SOMERSAULT SPLASH by CanSen.
Vince: But now Duggan Fan with a flying clothesline, and another flying
clothesline to another flying clothesline, gorilla press by Duggan Fan
1.
-
JR: Now Duggan Fan with a lateral press, cover 1, 2, no.
Vince: Tag to Jel now, and Jel with a top rope belly-to-belly suplex.
JR: That's a sophisticated move for a Duggan stable member. Dropkick to
the head of CanSen, who needs to get out of there. And now a springboard
dropkick from the top rope.
Lawler: Look at Duggan Fan. He can't believe it.
Vince: CanSen a rake to the face, and Brother Zen comes in. He didn't
tag in, though.
JR: No, Scott Keith just clapped his hands above his head and nobody
tagged anybody. MOONSAULT by Brother Zen. Now Keith and CanSen have
snuck around to the Duggan fan side and waylayed Duggan Fan and King
Duggan, one of them with the American flag, the other with a two by
four. And I don't believe this, we have 2 or 3 fans who have inserted
themselves into this situation and now uniformed security and police
have come in. And one of the fans whacks the policeman with a chair.
Lawler: This is getting ugly, JR.
JR: In the ring, Brother Zen is working over the knee of Jel. Suplexes
him and covers for a two count. This match bringing up serious feelings
in the crowd.
-
(Crowd chant of Canada sucks starts.)
-
JR: Now, Jel a sunset flip on Zen, Jel tags out to Duggan Fan and Zen to
Keith. Ya cheer or boo all you want ladies and gentlemen, but don't jump
the railings and interfere in the match, whether the participants are
cheating or not. Keith with an armbar.
-
Crowd chant: USA! USA! USA! USA!
-
Lawler: And whatever you do, please don't feed the wrestlers.
JR: Keith maneuvers DF1 to the corner, where he lays in some kicks to
his gut, and Duggan Fan ends up slumped down in the corner. Scott Keith
with a chinlock. And now Df1's a little crosseyed again.
Vince: Well, saying Duggan Fan and cross-eyed might be a little
redundant.
Lawler: Hey, McMahon. Look up 'redundant' in the dictionary, and it says
'see redundant'.
JR: A corner whip, but Scott Keith charges into a back elbow and gets
bodyslammed by Duggan Fan, who licks the thunmbs and gives the thumbs
up, he's up in a three-point stance, but Keith gets out of the way, and
Duggan Fan in the corner. Now Scott Keith reverses a suplex, kick to the
gut by Keith, then a released double-underhook powerbomb by Scott Keith,
and here comes a sharpshooter.
Vince: Zen and CanSen attack King Duggan and Jel. And the sharpshooter
is on Duggan Fan, who is not submitting but this is a painful move. And
KING DUGGAN GETS THE 2 by 4, and HE HITS SCOTT KEITH WITH IT!
-
DING DING DING DING
-
JR: And Duggan Fan reaching into the trunks and pulling out that roll of
tape, that he's gonna wrap around his fist.
Lawler: Looky there, JR! He hurt his wrist and then treated it himself
in the ring.
Vince: Duggan Fan pummeling Scott Keith with that taped fist. But CANSEN
HITS 'im in the face with the Canadian flag. And now the Canadian
Militant Alliance stomping and kicking Duggan Fan, and they're trying to
stick the Canadian flag....well, let's just say it's where the sun don't
shine.
-
Sunny: The winners of this match, as a result of a disqualification, the
CANADIAN MILITANT ALLIANCE!
-
(Oh Canada)
Vince: CMA wins this matchup. And let's take you back to events that
unfolded on the last Rawnitro Is War.
-
(snip)
-
Vince: Gern Blanston had a bad day in Juneau Alaska last week. First, he
gets dispatched by newcomer Fitz in under three minutes. Then his old
buddy comes out.
Vizh: When a man's mouth is full of marbles, he gets beaten up, cries,
and a dark shadow falls over his soul. Of the ashes of a once great man
has risen a curse. A wrong that must be righted. He looks in the sky for
a vindicator - someone who could help him, with his obsession over wild
monkey sex, so he may strike fear in the black hearts of the same men
who mock him. The battle between Comprehensible and Incomprehensible has
begun.
-
(snip)
-
Vizh: Just to give you an idea about how complex things had become, you
did know me as Vizh. I've said that the entire Vizh work would one day
be explained in full detail once and for all - including a startling
surprise - but to be patient. Once again, people have respected that
and I thank them. Right now, I am not Vizh. I am not Eric Robins. I am
not Blackjack Robins. Right now I am simply a man with no soul. And you
can call me that.
Jim Ross: The Man With No Soul?
Vizh: I operate a wrestling newsletter called ScoopTHIS! ScoopTHIS! was
the first to break the story of a possible liaison between Bret "The
Hitman" Hart and WWF owner Vince McMahon. It appears that the WWF has
purposely been dropping hints of an affair involving "Heartbreak Kid"
Shawn Michaels specifically to throw people off the main trail that
leads straight to Bret Hart. But let me digress to the reason I have
come out here, Gern Blanston, my old buddy and pal, is going to be the
feature story on the next edition of ScoopTHIS! I felt it would be
unfair for me, like some tabloid reporter to break this story behind
Gern's back. Gern. You have a beautiful daughter. Little Alexandra. And
I am sorry to have to tell you this. All the time, when you were on the
road with the RSPWWCW, chasing the undeniably beautiful Taskmistress. I
was occupied, seeing your lovely wife, behind you back. Having wild
monkey sex as often as we could.
Jim Ross: I don't believe this. This is disgusting!
Vizh: And so Gern, I am here to tell you, that that lovely little
Alexandra, is probably not yours. She is probably mine.
Jim Ross: This is disgusting! How can he say that?
Vizh: I felt the need to say that to you man to man. Because I am the
prevailor of good with the voice of silence and a mission of
justice...This is No Soul.
-
(return to live)
-
Jim Ross: We have the normally witty Gern Blanston. But you're not
feeling very witty today.
Gern Blanston: Well, it doesn't take a freakin' genius to know that I am
very upset. You know, Vizh, or whatever you're calling yourself today,
I've laughed at your jokes, and your poking fun of other people. And
maybe that was a mistake. Because now, you have shown the world, that to
you, Vizh, nothing is sacred. Not even a newborn little girl. So, Vizh,
No Soul, I am going to do the world a favor. At In Your House: Beware of
Bitch, if you are man, or woman, or whatever the hell you are, enough, I
am going to meet you, one on one, in the center of the ring. And I am
going to put you out of your miserable little existence, and thereby do
all humanity a favor. I have nothing else to say, Jim Ross.
-
Jim Ross: Well, at Beware Of Bitch, the challenge has been made, Gern
Blanston vs. The Man With No Soul, Vizh. Assuming Vizh accepts, and now
Scheme Gene, with some insight on the Cage Match.
-
Gene: They are constructing the cage down there, and we have here Robert
Wallace Eddy, here with these Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. And you're
telling me that you four are going to represent the mystery team, if I'm
not mistaken.
Kilroy: An here's three words for you - Dog. Laser. Nun.
Gene: What?
Kilroy: But seriously, anyone who has been paying attention realizes
that the Taskmistress has been nothing but a vulgar nuisance. Now that
the truth is available for all to see, I think everyone here is entitled
to reap in the joys of stomping Liz's overblown ego into crap.
Barnett: And GUESS WHAT? The beating will be distributed for free via a
Quicktime Video.
Kilroy: But I'm still wearing medical gloves if I wrestle that
beast....maybe several.
Gene: Every time I talk to you gentlemen, and I use the term loosely,
you always seem to have a pet peeve with the Taskmistress. What is it
about Liz Michael that bothers you so.
Kilroy: Well, she lives and breathes. And damned if we can't do
something about that.
Fireball: Liz is a cheap heat seeker and when she gets too much
attention she just don't know what to do with it. If what you're saying
is true how come no one is harping away at Jeremy Soria, someone who's
admitted on many occasions his prefences and so on. Because Jeremy is
a hell of a lot more intelligent than Liz.
Gene: Well, I think you greatly underestimate the intelligence of the
Taskmistress.
Fireball: Someone who went from being a man to a woman, so that they
could in turn become a lesbian and sleep with other women....what the
fuck?
Gene: And YOU, Robert Wallace Eddy, with your scandalous statements
about Princess Di.
Barnett: Sorry, Bobby. She lost me when she jobbed to the guy with big
ears. And you just know Dodi wanted to be a heel manager like the Iron
Sheik.
Gene: Barnett, show some respect. Apparently you didn't think of the
fact her kids don't have a mother now.
Barnett: Her kids aren't watching. And why didn't you make the same
stink when Brandon Tartikoff died and left 2 kids? He actually had a
connection to wrestling, putting it in prime time.
Kilroy: But as for this little "flame-war" as the cyber-geeks call it,
well it doesn't matter to me. It never has. This is not about who is
tougher (me), who is in better shape (me), or who can come up with the
most biting and intelligent retorts (me). It is about who has more time
to waste and in that contest, you all losers win hands-down.
-
Gene: They have the cage built, and the match is about to happen. Take
it away, Sunny.
Sunny: Ladies and Gentlemen, it's for our MAIN event, the War Games
Survivor Match, the Rage In The Cage. 12 men, 4 women, no mercy. Here
are the rules. By the luck of the draw, two wrestlers have been selected
to begin the match. They will wrestle for 2 minutes, and additional
wrestlers will enter the cage at two minute intervals until ALL the
wrestlers are in. Wrestlers are eliminated by pinfall, submission, or
voluntarily walking out of the cage, no DQs or countouts. And the
winning team will be the team with at least one member not eliminated at
the end of the match. This match has NO time limit. The referee in the
ring will be Earl Hebner, and the referee out of the ring at the door
will be Dave Hebner. And now, introducing the first two participants.
-
(Music-We're Not Gonna Take It)
-
Sunny: From Team Canada, dressed in red with white and black, from Nova
Socita, here is Deadshot.
-
Vince: Deadshot will be one of the first two participants in the Rage In
the Cage, War Games.
-
Sunny: And the other first participant....
-
(Baruchuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!! Et Adonayayayayai!
Hamevoooooooooooooooooorach!.........)-
-
Sunny: From the Jewish World Order, wearing white with blue trim, here
is Jack Epstein.
-
Vince: Deadshot will wrestle Epstein for two minutes. For the
convenience of the fans, the team outfits will be identical in style.
Team Canada will wear red with black and white trim. The JWO will wear
white with blue trim. I'm not sure what the other teams will wear. And
as the bell rings, the door shuts, and Epstein and Deadshot right after
each other. Deadshot and Epstein, brawling, bouncing around off to the
side of the cage. Team Canada not accustomed to cage matches, but the
JWO VERY experienced in them.
JR: Now Deadshot with a boot to the face of Epstein, as Epstein eats a
little shoe leather.
Lawler: Is shoe leather kosher?
JR: Only if the shoes were made of leather from cows slaughtered
according to Jewish dietary law, under the supervision of a reputable
Mashgiach.
Lawler: Hey, how do you know about that.
JR: That's what Amdur tells me. He knows everything.
Vince: And Deadshot knocking Jack Epstein into the middle of next week.
Deadshot tossing Epstein into the fence.
Lawler: That's gotta hurt.
-
(Music-Bitch-Meredith Brooks)
-
Sunny: The next entrant, from the Bitch World Order, THE TASKMISTRESS
LIZ MICHAEL!
-
JR: Taskmistress in no particular hurry to engage Epstein and Deadshot
in a threesome, as she walks casually out. Look pretty in pink and
black.
Lawler: Who does she think she is? Bret Hart?
Vince: Well, I doubt that. Notwithstanding, the Taskmistress entering
the fray. Now the Taskmistress slugging it out with Deadshot. Now,
Taskmistress to the ring apron area, and OH MY GOODNESS!
JR: Slingshot plancha dropkick by the Taskmistress. This woman
officially has the best leg strength in RSPW. Cover, but only a 1. Now
Taskmsitress whipping Deadshot into the ropes, reversal, reversal again,
and MY GOODNESS.
Vince: Incredible centrifigal force as both wrestlers hit the back of
the cage. Now Epstein comes over with a rake of the face of Deadshot,
and now another rake of the face to Liz Michael. The next entrant into
the ring, by the way, MUST be a member of the mystery team, according to
the rules, and though the fans don't know it yet, that would be Dirty
Rotten Scoundrels.
JR: Epstein puts the mandible claw on the Taskmistress. Epstein with the
mandible claw on the Taskmsitress Liz Michael, trying to eliminate her
early. And now..
Vince: Deadshot comes in and gets the mandible claw.
Lawler: Do they sterilize that claw? I mean, you don't know where that
hand's been, McMahon.
JR: Actually, I don't wanna think about it.
-
(Music-Masterpiece Theatre Theme)
-
Sunny: Entrant number four, from the mystery team, Robert Wallace Eddy.
-
JR: Robert Wallace Eddy running in, and Jack Epstein WITH THE MANDIBLE
CLAW ON EDDY!
Lawler: Hello!
Vince: Jack Epstein with the Mandible Claw on Robert Wallace Eddy, and
Deadshot and Liz in the corner basically shaken. The Taskmistress
stumbling over to Epstein, but KICKS EDDY IN THE BACK OF THE LEG, AND
AGAIN! And a little cooperation with Jack Epstein still with that
Mandible Claw on Eddy.
JR: Eddy on his back now, count of 1, 2, 3, as Liz lets Epstein
eliminate Eddy, and now Liz stomping on Jack Epstein.
Vince: That's the way this match goes. Now the Taskmistress Liz Michael
dominating Jack Epstein, and an enzuigiri kick to the back of the head,
and now Deadshot with a whip of the Taskmsitress into the corner.
Deadshot now whips Liz into the ropes and a BOOT to the face. Now
Deadshot stomping on Epstein.
-
(Baruchuuuuuuuuuuuuu Et Adonayayayayaaaai!
Hamevooooooooooooooooooorach!......)
-
Sunny: Entrant number five, Blakenstein.
-
Vince: A fresh Blakenstein in white running to the ring, and Deadshot a
couple of slaps to Liz, and now Deadshot and Liz a DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE of
Blakenstein upon his entrance! ALMOST like clockwork, bitter enemies
become allies. Deadshot a backdrop on Blakenstein, and Liz a dropkick on
Blakenstein as soon as he tries to get up. Liz dives at Jack Epstein
pushing him into the back of the cage as Deadshot continues to pound on
Blakenstein.
JR: Well, I gotta say Deadshot and Liz playing it very smart, not
attacking each other now, and attacking the JWO together.
Lawler: This has turned into a tag team match, for two minutes, with
probably the oddest couple of partners I've ever seen.
JR: This is a slugging match right now. But the Taskmistress gets a
leglock on Jack Epstein. Blakenstein over to break it up, and a Deadshot
one on two on Blakenstein and Epstein.
-
(Jesus Christ Superstar-Murray Head)
-
Lawler: Jesus Christ, McMahon!
-
(Sunny: Entrant number six, from Team Canada, Alex "Salvation" Demchuk)
-
Vince: Well, not Jesus Christ, but Alex "Salvation" Demchuk in for Team
Canada. And the odds have immediately been stacked against the
Taskmistress now. Demchuk coming in and an immediate Demchuk/Deadshot
double team of Blakenstein, as they pound on him.
JR: Now they start pounding on Jack Epstein. Esptein now the victim of
the double team, and here comes Liz Michael. And Liz being clubbered by
the big Canadian duo.
Lawler: And next week on Rawnitro Is War, Demchuk has to defend the
title against the Taskmistress, in a place near where she grew up,
Atlantic City New Jersey.
Vince: Now, Deadshot with a LEGDROP on the Taskmistress, and a cover,
but a two count. And now the JWO waylay the Canadians from behind. Now
Epstein grabbing the arm of the Taskmistress, up to the top turnbuckle,
walking the ropes, and a RIGHT HAND by the Taskmistress in the lower
midsection if you will.
Lawler: Ah nuts!
JR: Blakenstein trying to slug the Taskmistress. But the Canadians now
slugging it out with the three of them. This is good, folks. An
old-fashioned slobberknocker.
-
(More More More-Andrea True)
-
Sunny: Entrant number seven, of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, Bob Barnett!
-
Vince: Bob Barnett in no hurry to come out, and why should he? He might
be outnumbered five to one in there. the next entrant will be from the
Bitch World Order.
JR: Meanwhile, Demchuk with Blakenstein, Demchuk nails Blakenstein with
the Brainbuster. Demchuk now going to the top for a splash but meets the
knees of Blakenstein. Deadshot picks up Blakenstein and nailed him with
a power bomb, Deadshot punches out Epstein and Demchuk has the Crippler
Crossface on Blakenstein. Blakenstein may be eliminated. Barnett gets in
and the Taskmsitress goes right after him.
Vince: Sweet Bitch Music right to the jaw of Barnett. Blakenstein is not
submitting, but he is almost collapsed, as Deadshot ties up Epstein who
cannot help him, and Hebner signals for the bell, meaning that
Blakenstein has been eliminated. Liz Michael with a whip and a
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Barnett. The Canadians with a distinct
advantage now, as both Canadians team up on Epstein, while Liz is doing
major damage on Barnett, into the ringpost, into the ringpost again.
JR: Now, the Taskmistress, gets Bob Barnett up in a wobbly Tombstone,
but hits it. And a cover, 1, 2, 3. And Barnett is eliminated.
-
(Dynasty Theme)
-
Sunny: Entrant number eight, of the Bitch World Order, MATTIE
CARRINGTON!
Lawler: I've never seen a woman that big run so fast.
Vince: Now, Epstein in a lot of trouble. Alone with Liz and Mattie of
the BWO and Demchuk and Deadshot of the Canadians. And Epstein fighting
back. Epstein hitting Deadshot, but Demchuk knocking him down. Now the
Canadians sort of leaving Epstein alone, as Liz and Mattie just stare
down the Canadians. This is strange.
JR: Well, I don't think either team wants to make the first move, and
therefore the first mistake. Taskmistress getting into her martial arts
mode. And now Mattie and Liz a DOUBLE CLOTEHSLINE, and here we go. An
old fashioned slobberknocker, they are clubberin' one another as ATM's
daddy would say. Taskmistress to the top. But EPSTEIN SHAKES the rope,
and the Taskmistress just had her private parts rearranged.
Lawler: What, again?
Vince: Deadshot with a suplex of the Taskmistress, OH MY GOD, into the
wall of the cage.
JR: Mattie trying a sunset flip of Demchuk is blocked.
-
(Nasty Boys-Janet Jackson)
-
Sunny: Entrant number nine, from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, KILROY!!!
-
JR: And some woman comes out of the crowd to attack Kilroy. Some woman
is trying to beat up Kilroy, and security out there to restrain this
woman. I suppose angry at some of the things Kilroy has said. I tell ya
folks, you wanna leave this to professionals. Meanwhile, Deadshot
practically impales Epstein with a bodyslam on the top of the center
post. But Mattie and Liz are taking it to Alex Demchuk. Kilroy hasn't
even stepped into the ring yet. He can't get there due to all the
security.
Lawler: Well, he's outnumbered anyway. And I think he knows that.
Vince: Deadshot whips Epstein RIGHT INTO the Taskmistress, and the
Taskmistress stands up and POWERSLAMS Epstein. Now Demchuk with a belly
to back suplex of Liz Michael from behind, as Mattie Carrington putting
a sleeper hold on Deadshot.
JR: But Alex Demchuk is gonna break this up. Demchuk going over to
Epstein, Demchuk tries to put the Crippler Crossface on Epstein, but
Epstein a rake of the face. Now the Taskmistress kicking Epstein and
punching Demchuk, and now Liz and Deadshot come to blows again.
-
(Poison-Alice Cooper)
-
Sunny: Entrant number ten, from the BWO, KIM WRIGHT!
JR: Kim Wright in pink going right after Kilroy who is trying to get in
the ring. Kim Wright waylaying Kilroy. Kim Wright with a bulldog on the
ringstep of Kilroy, but Kilroy doesn't seem too fazed.
Vince: Kilroy now blocking the head shot and delivering one of his own
to the ring steps. Kilroy tossing the Cruiserweight Champion into the
ring and Kilroy enters himself. Deadshot going for an Air Nova on
somebody.
JR: But Epstein catches him. And Deadshot crotches himself on the ropes,
and EPSTEIN WITH THAT MANDIBLE CLAW ON Deadshot! Epstein with the
mandible claw trying to get the big man down. These two have been in the
ring since the beginning. They are the iron men of this match. But
Deadshot powers out of it with a bodyslam. Epstein with an armbar. As
Kilroy now has gone after the Taskmistress. Kilroy a headbutt of the
Taskmistress. Mattie grabbing Kilroy in the black mask, and Kilroy with
a headbutt of Mattie Carrington. Kilroy now slugging it out with Alex
Demchuk as Deadshot and Jack Epstein continue to struggle with one
another.
Lawler: This is a brutal match, Jim Ross. Doesn't even need any of
theose foreign objects like those Extremely crappy wrestling idiots.
-
(Baruchuuuuuuu et Adonayayayayai! Hamevooooooooooooooooooorach!.......)
-
Sunny: Entrant number eleven, Jeff Amdur of the JWO!
Lawler: How can a guy that old run that fast?
Vince: Amdur wasting no time coming to the rescue of Jack Epstein. As
the TAskmistress trying to separate Deadshot and epstein, no she's
trying to punch them both, and they have a three way punching brawl.
JR: Kilroy headbutts Demchuk. I think the ref oughtta check for an
international object in Kilroy's facemask. Watch out, Mattie Carrington
attempting a power clean press of Epstein with Kim Wright leaping off
the other turnbuckle, and THEY hit it. But Amdur breaks it up. And
Kilroy headbutts Amdur. Deadshot up on the turnbuckle, going for an Air
Nova on Epstein, and LIZ PULLS HIM OUT OF THE WAY! And Deadshot hits his
head on the canvass. Deadshot is knocked out.
Lawler: If somebody would turn 'im over and cover 'im he'd be gone, but
Demchuk is there slugging opponents away.
JR: The next entrant will be a Canadian. Either Mike Malecki or the
Maritimer.
Vince: Mattie Carrington with a pedigree type move on Jeff Amdur, and
Mattie picks up Amdur, SONOMA RIVER PLUNGE! 1, 2, 3, and Amdur is
eliminated.
-
(Perfect Symphony)
-
Sunny: Entrant number twelve, from Team Canada, the MARITIMER!
Lawler: How can a guy so skinny get to the ring that fast?
JR: Well, Mattie Carrington eliminated the Intergender Champion Jeff
Amdur, and I wonder if that's a portent of things to come as next week,
Mattie Carrington wrestles Jeff Amdur one on one for the Intergender
Championship. Epstein with a sharpshooter on Demchuk, and Maritimer
breaks it up. And Liz puts the DIAMOND CUTTER on the Maritimer.
Lawler: Hello!
Vince: She can't pin 'im, though, because Deadshot and Demchuk go right
after her. Now, Kilroy headbutting Kim Wright again. And now he
headbutts Mattie Carrington. Something is in that headgear, I swear it.
Lawler: Look out!
Vince: Deadshot a flying splash from behind LEVELS Kilroy, and now the
Taskmistress mounts the prone Kilroy, and she is trying to tear off that
mask. Liz Michael looks like she's trying to take off the mask of
Kilroy.
JR: Wait a minute. There is something in there.
-
(NYPD Blue Theme)
-
Sunny: Entrant number thirteen, from the Bitch World Order, KELLY
VATERS!
JR: There's a plate of some kind in Kilroy's mask, and you can see it
there as the Taskmistress has sort of manipulated it sideways.
Vince: And Liz Michael picks up Kilroy, and she's gonna whip him to the
corner! OH MY GOODNESS!
JR: And Kilroy is beginning to bleed just a touch.
Vince: And what's this? Deadshot is motioning to the Taskmistress,
saying set him up, set him up. The Taskmistress is setting up Kilroy
near, oh, no, THE POST. And now Maritimer to Demchuk to Deadshot a
TRIPLE WHIP OF DEADSHOT INTO THE BACK OF THE HEAD OF KILROY!
Lawler: Kilroy is a bloody mess.
JR: Kilroy's face has become a crimson mask as a result of his own
foreign object, and now the Taskmistress stomping him in the head. Come
on, Hebner, you've gotta stop this.
Lawler: Don't stop it! They're gonna kill 'im! I love it!
Vince: Taskmistress with another whip of Kilroy into the ringpost.
JR: Now, I don't believe this. The Canadians and Kelly Vaters, are
dragging Kilroy to th ecenter of one of the rings. And Deadshot
is.....oh no, THIS IS INHUMANE! Even to the Dirtiest Rottenest
Scoundrel, this is inhuman.
Lawler: AIR NOVA SCOTIA! SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!!
-
(Fire-Arthur Brown)
-
JR: Three count. Kilroy is eliminated.
Lawler: Kilroy might be dead.
-
Sunny: Entrant number fourteen, of the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,
Fireball!
-
JR: Now, the Taskmistress picks up Kilroy and WHIPS HIM HEAD FIRST INTO
FIREBALL as he is coming into the ring, and I think that foreign object
knocked out the round mound of rebound from Detroit. Referee pulls
Kilroy out of the ring. Fireball now has a problem, and so does Epstein.
The three Canadians are gangbanging Epstein. The four girls in pink are
taking apart Fireball.
Vince: Epstein needs en4cer, and he needs him now.
Lawler: He needs him yesterday, McMahon.
JR: There's the Diamond Cutter on Fireball by the Taskmistress. Followed
by, I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!
Vince: Sonoma River Plunge by Mattie Carrington, FOOOOOORGETABOUTIT! 2,
3!
JR: Maritmer hooking up Epstein for a Perfectplex, as Deadshot is about
to fly off the top. Here he goes and here he goes, Bitches try to break
it up, but Demchuk and Maritimer brawling with them.
-
(Baruchuuuuuuuuuuu et Adonayayayayai! Hamevooooooooooooooorach!......)
-
Sunny: Entrant number fifteen, en4cer!
-
Lawler: Now what? What does en4cer do? He has to fight off eight people
by himself.
JR: Well, the JWO in theory could still win this. en4cer basically
helping Jack Epstein onto the arms of the officials, and hasn't entered
the ring yet, with the BWO and Team Canada brawling 4 on 3. Mike Malecki
will dart out like a bat out of hell when the next two minute mark comes
about.
Vince: now wait a minute, what's that? I think en4cer is bringing in a
set of brass knuckles in the ring in his trunks. The refs aren't
searching these guys.
Lawler: Well, eight on one he might need 'em. Of course, that must be
the Amdur Memorial Brass Knuckles Set, handcrafted and beatifully
detailed from 22k gold. These are the same knucks that he handed to Al
Snow years back when he faced Sean Waltman....and they
still have bits of hair and bone attached....
JR: Now available from the RSPWWCW magazine. Geez, we even sell our own
international objects here. This is sick.
-
(Oh Canada)
-
Sunny: The final entrant, from Team Canada, Mike Malecki!
Lawler: How can....oh nevermind.
JR: Malecki entering the fray. en4cer has yet to make a move. He is the
only guy in white in that ring and he has no teammates. 4 on 4 on 1.
Deadshot with Kelly Vaters up for the doomsday device, Maritimer jumps
but Liz kicked him in the back of the leg and Maritimer missed.
AND NOW the TASKMISTRESS with a figure four leg lock on Deadshot.
Deadshot stuck in the figure four! Malecki breaks it up! Deadshot and
Liz have to be tired. They have to be spent.
Vince: Oh my goodness. Did you see that?
JR: Dragon suplex by Kim Wright on Maritimer but Demchuk breaks up the
pin. Meanwhile, Deadshot misses an elbow on the Taskmistress.
Lawler: Now we're gonna see if the girls can really handle the boys.
JR: Meanwhile en4cer staying out of everything. And Liz TRIES TO PUT THE
SHARPSHOOTER on Deadshot, but Deadshot kicks her away. Now Demchuk hits
a double arm DDT on Kelly Vaters. Mattie charges Alex Demchuk, and they
go back and forth for a bit.
Lawler: Can you believe the mayhem?
JR: Mattie executes a pair of stomach breakers on Alex Demchuk. Demchuk
fights back, and goes for a figure four. Mattie catches him with a
small package, and THAT'S A THREE COUNT! BUT IT"S MATTIE'S SHOULDERS
WHICH ARE DOWN! And the Bitch World Order just made a possibly fatal
mistake. But THAT'S A DOUBLE PIN! And everybody is arguing. But Mattie
and Alex are going to both have to leave, as it'll be 3 on 3 on 1 now.
Lawler: Odds just got better for en4cer.
Vince: Deadshot, Maritimer and Malecki, for the Canadians. Liz, Kelly,
and Kim for the BWO. en4cer for the JWO. This match shall continue!
-
JR: Now the three are fighting, Kelly Vaters really getting the crap
beat out of her by Malecki. Liz holding off Deadshot, and Maritimer
holding off Kim Wright. Now Deadshot and Malecki change partners, as the
Taskmistress goes at it with Malecki.
Vince: And the big Deadshot with the smaller Vaters. Deadshot trying to
put a camel clutch on Vaters.
JR: Taskmistress, an enzuigiri MISSES, and Malecki with the powerbomb!
A COVER, 1, 2, NO!
Lawler: en4cer hasn't moved a muscle.
Vince: en4cer waiting to see if somebody else will be eliminated. Which
is about the smartest thing he can do at this juncture.
JR: Maritimer CATCHES Kim Wright with an enzuigiri! Deadshot, with a
whip of Kelly vaters into Maritimer INTO A PERFECTPLEX! TWO T
